Tuesday, 21 May 2013
I've had the flu for the last week. I hadn't got it since I was in secondary school ten years ago. I would have preferred any other weekend in those ten years to get the flu but true to form, I got it on the one weekend where I was really busy and needed to be at 100%.
It got me thinking of a new idea to deal with sickness. The way it is now, you could catch the flu from somebody else who has it and that person will still be sick. My new system involves the original sick person to be able to pass on their sickness to someone else and then be rid of it. That would be a much better way of doing things
It wouldn't have to be just flu though, it could be any ailment, illness or disease. If you have the measles, you can get rid of it and pass the burden on to someone else by giving them a kiss. I have chosen a kiss as the way to transmit any of these sicknesses because it would make sense of the phrase 'kiss of death'.
If there was a chance of catching any disease from kissing, ranging from nausea to HIV, then it would probably cut down on one night stands too. This would reduce the amount of infidelity and accidental pregnancies, another problem solved with my genius idea.
With that system in play, I could have dealt with my busy weekend easier. I could just find someone who has a free weekend and tell them to take care of my flu while I do all my important things. Then when I was finished, I would take the illness back and everyone would be happy.
It would also generate a new career. Not everyone would be able to find someone willing to accept their disease. This would encourage people to become 'viral prostitutes'. They would be paid to accept the burden of certain diseases. The more serious the illness, the higher they get paid. Fifty quid for the common cold. Five hundred quid for diabetes. One thousand for leprosy.
Obviously these viral prostitutes wouldn't accept terminal illnesses so it would be up to the holder of those diseases to explore their morals. Could they live with tricking somebody into taking the bullet for them? I'd like to think I would be able to pass it on but unfortunately I have been cursed with a conscience. It's a pity I can't transfer that burden to somebody else.