Sunday, 19 May 2013

Outdated Stereotypes

Now I know that stereotypes in general are bad and wrong and ignorant and evil but, some of them are accurate enough.

Most Irish people do drink a lot, most men cannot multi-task and most people from Cork do talk too much about the fact that they are from Cork and that Cork is great (it's horrifically average by the way).

There are a lot of stereotypes that don't make sense to me though. Maybe at some time they were true but not anymore.
1. Men are messy
Some men are messy but some women are too. In fact, in my experiences, there are more female offenders than male but that's irrelevant. The fact is, since both sexes are offenders, there cannot be blame laid on either the male or female side. They're both as bad as each other really.

Men are usually untidy because of laziness. With women it is because of vanity. Women have gone from bringing a purse with them to carting around a gigantic handbag everywhere. 

Whenever a girl comes into my house with a giant handbag before we go up town for the night, she feels the need to get half of the contents out of it and lay them out on the table in front of me.

Instantly, the mobile phone will be out, maybe a charger with it. Then they get their weird make up products and start rubbing stuff on themselves.

A shoe change might also take place, in fact, there's a whole wardrobe in there. 

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The next morning when I wake up, the bag will be gone but in it's place are loads of make up stained tissues, empty wine bottles and some item of jewellery. They always forget at least one item of jewellery.

I'm not saying that the lads who call over before a night out will leave the place spotless but picking up empty cans is a lot less annoying than picking up horrible brown tissues.
2. Americans are all fat
Some Americans are fat. Some Belgians are fat. Some Ecuadorians are fat. It's unfair to label a whole nation just because of the downfall of a few.

Fair enough, if you put all the obese Americans on one side of a scale and the normal ones on the other, it'd probably tip down on the fat peoples side. That still doesn't mean that there are more fat people in America than normal people.

The rules of a stereotype is this: The accusation has to cover more than half of the population of the demograph to be fully accepted into society. We should drop this stereotype of Americans being fat and go for the other stereotype, Americans are stupid.

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Mother of God, aren't Americans stupid? I mean really stupid. They really take the biscuit (metaphorically - I've promised to stop with the fat American jokes).

America is definitely populated by more idiots than smart people. There are websites dedicated to the stupid things Americans say. There is so much footage of stupid things Americans do on Youtube that if you watched them all back to back, you would die of old age before it finished.

I'm scared to go to some countries because of dangerous animals, freezing cold weather or dictatorship governments. I'm scared to go to America in case some idiot kills me by doing something ridiculously stupid. Probably while using a gun to do something other than shooting it, like scratching their big, fat, sweaty, empty forehead.
3. People with glasses are clever
The telltale sign of being smart in the past was the presence of glasses on your face. In school, anybody who wore them was called a nerd. When you are under the age of 20 and get called a nerd, it's a bad thing but when you are searching for a career, the nerdier you are, the better chance of earning some decent money.

You can no longer assume goggles mean intelligence since they have now become a fashion item and every fucking eejit has a pair. I could never understand why they were fashionable though.

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What next?

Tommy Hilfiger hearing aids?

Calvin Klein walking stick?

Braces with little Nike logos on every tooth?

I might also mention in this one that sunglasses are no longer a tell tale sign of coolness. John Lennon must be spinning in his grave.

4. Religious people are good people
Ironically, some of the biggest sinners in the world are also the most religious. It's not uncommon for people to kill in the name of 'God'. Have they never heard of that famous Bible verse - 'Two wrongs don't make a right'. I think it was in Genesis, somewhere near the back.

There are a lot of wars motivated by religion too. The Iraq War is the latest one. It is a continuation of the famous Islam vs Christianity wars. They've been at it for ages. The Crusades were in the 11th century so it's at least a millennium. Kind of makes the Manchester United and Liverpool rivalry seem insignificant.

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Religious people probably try to be good people in fairness to them. The thing is, their perception of good is usually based on an ancient book that came up with rules on life when the most technological invention of the time was a ladder.

If the Bible had been wrote in this century, the ten commandments would be a lot different. I think you'd have internet piracy in there somewhere, probably instead of keeping the Sabbath day holy. There's no time for a rest day anymore. There's goods to be sold, odd jobs to be dealt with and most importantly, beer to be drank.


5. Manchester United fans are glory hunters
The majority of football fans are glory hunters. Let's be honest here, at least 90% of all football fans start liking a team because they see them winning something, whether it be a league, a cup or even just a match.

The other percentage of fans are made up by the ones who like the underdog or obscure team like some attention hungry hipster or the idiots who think that your address matters when you pick the team you will follow.

Then of course there is the microscopic percentage of people (me) that support a team because they felt sorry for their devastating defeat in the 1999 Champions League Final.

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When you are picking a team to support, you are usually under ten years of age. How many ten year olds are going to really weigh up their options when making any kind of decision, never mind this largely unimportant one.

They will pick the team that it is cool to support more often than not. Usually that team is the one that is winning, the one that is the best. Since Bayern might potentially have a chance of being a dominant force in football in the near future, I might not feel so alone in supporting them anymore.

The only problem with that scenario is that all the new fans will be under the age of ten. Luckily, maturity is not needed when you are in a discussion with somebody about soccer.

Go team Bayern - a great bunch of lads.