Monday, 11 March 2013

King of the Dinosaurs



I looked up a list of dinosaurs today to see which one had the coolest name. There were 1338 names in the list.

I had originally planned on taking my time and conducting the experiment properly but after seeing the length of the list, I decided just to do a quick scan. I found some interesting names all the same.

Philovenator, which apparently means ‘love hunter’. It makes it sound like a rapist or one of those women who goes out with her girlfriends after ending a relationship but spends the night crying into some poor saps pint glass. 

I googled an image of the Philovenator, it was fucking outrageous. It’s like the body of a velociraptor but with bright red wings, tinted with blue. It’s definitely my new favourite dinosaur, even if it does sound like it was named for a combination of characters in the Hangover, Superbad and American Pie.

*

Everyone says that the Tyrannosaurus Rex was the ‘King of the Reptiles’ but maybe they’ve found other dinosaurs since they named the T-Rex and they were much more powerful than it was. They named Elvis the ‘King of Rock n Roll’ before they had even heard of some of the legends that followed him.

Another cool dinosaur I found was a Dilong, which is like a T-Rex but about the size of a large dog. If it was still alive today it could be a cool little pet.

All you’d need to do is train it not to rip your face from your skullbox and then you’d have a loyal and friendly little reptile to mind the kids while you went to the pub on a Saturday afternoon. 

Spinosaurus was also one of my favourites. It’s believed to be the biggest carnivorous dinosaur known to man. It’s kind of like a T-Rex but it has a crocodile type mouth and a big mad elongated spine to prevent people riding it I suppose. Surely this should be the king of the reptiles?

They even alluded to this fact in Jurassic Park 3. I didn't see the film, I just read it on the internet. I didn't even know there was a third film in the series.

Lastly is the Mohammadisaurus, which resembles the Brontosaurus. This would be a much better religious leader for Muslims to have than plain old Mohammad. America wouldn't be so quick to invade countries for oil if this was what they were dealing with.

I’d probably be more religious myself if this were my ‘god’. Imagine crucifying HIS son? I’d be petrified to nail a picture of it to my bedroom wall never mind nailing the real thing to a cross. Maybe I should create a new religion with a dinosaur God.